This week my son threw me a curveball—even though I’m the one known for doing that in our family.

A year ago at this time Lucas had already done months of off-season conditioning and weeks of preseason before the high school district soccer games began in mid-January. The season was just beginning, but I was already wondering if Lucas would make it to the end.

He’s a great soccer player—it’s the Venezuelan in him. He made varsity as a freshman–at a 5A school–and started as a sophomore. But as good as he is, it just wasn’t fun anymore. By the end of his sophomore season, he longed for a break and seriously considered quitting.

To be honest, his predicament stretched my parenting intuition. It  surprised me that he actually considered quitting. He’s been running fast with a ball between his feet since he was a toddler. I secretly thought that he just needed a month or two of rest and then he would be ready to go again.

Surely he wouldn’t let his talent just sit on the couch for the next two years of high school.  And besides, what about my soccer mom skills? (since he’s our fourth, I’ve had lots of practice in boys’ locker rooms). Team dinners, traveling treats, locker room posters. What if he’s ready to quit soccer, but I’m not?

Soccer season ended, he had some rest, and he was still throwing around that four-letter word, “QUIT”.  Summertime was decision time.

We’ve been at this crossroads a few times with our boys involved in various sports. Each situation was unique. But they all had some common threads that have taught us a few things about the decision, “To quit, or not to quit.”

“Quit” is not a four-letter word. Well, I guess it is, but it’s not a bad four-letter word. Sometimes there are legitimate reasons for a kid to opt out of a sport that they have excelled in for years. Unfortunately, “quitting” is aligned on the list right next to “failure” in our youth sports culture. I heard a coach actually tell one of my sons that he would be a “quitter for life” if he opted out of a sport—yes, I had something to say back to him (but that’s another story).

Quitting takes guts.  It takes a lot of courage for a good athlete to quit a sport. And it takes courage for parents to let him. There is always pressure to perform—at least do it for the team if not for yourself. If we’re honest, there are probably things that we are all involved in—that we should have left a long time ago–simply because we don’t have the guts to quit. We are driven by the desire to please others more than taking care of ourselves. It takes guts for a talented teenager to recognize when he needs to walk away.

The player should decide if he wants to play. I’ll admit, this is a hard one—because I’m his Mom and I know what’s best. But it’s important to let him choose.

• It keeps it “play” instead of a chore. When a kid doesn’t feel like he has an option to play a sport, then it quits being “play”.
• It shows trust. I haven’t always liked the choices that my kids have made, but I think it was better for me to show them trust than to force them into extracurricular “fun” that looked like fun to me.
• They learn how to make tough decisions. Parents can teach their kids valuable skills by coaching them through the process of making the decision–instead of making the decision for them. Life lessons aren’t just learned on the field. Sometimes the lesson they need to learn is when to get off the field. Learning how to make this kind of choice will help them in the future when they need to decide if it’s time to walk away from an unhealthy job situation, that girlfriend you never liked, or to quit being the Little League President some day. Whether they decide to quit or to continue, the process of making the decision is valuable.

So last summer when it was decision time for Lucas, he decided to quit. He was tired. Really tired. He was burned out from the rigorous rhythm of the sport and he needed the freedom to walk away. He quit well—which I’ll write about in my next post tomorrow.

The curveball? He came home from school on Monday and said that he asked Coach if he could rejoin the team. He’s ready to play soccer again, and Coach is gracious to let him return.

I’m going to go dig out my soccer mom shirt from the depths of my closet—even though you’ll never see it under all the layers I wear to the winter games. And next I’ll write some more about how to help your kid quit well.

Have you had a kid burn out in something they excelled in? What has your family learned about quitting?